These Days
by angel-castiel-rules-the-world
Summary: Sergeant Dean Winchester died a hero's death, leaving behind his soulmate Castiel. This is the story of how they came to be, told through Castiel's memories while he tries to come to terms with the death of the man he loves. Destiel AU. Serious angst. Character death. Based on the song by the Foo Fighters with the same title. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all. So I know I shouldn't be starting another story, but I feel the need for some serious angst in my life, and I'm in a very maudlin mood. This story is the result, though I shall say right now that it will have a happy ending, eventually.**

 **The bits in italics are memories. I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural nor do I own the song These Days.**

* * *

 _'One of these days the ground will drop out from beneath your feet  
One of these days your heart will stop and play its final beat  
One of these days the clocks will stop and time won't mean a thing  
One of these days their bombs will drop and silence everything'_

 _These Days – Foo Fighters_

* * *

Castiel stood at the front of the church as the music started to play loudly through the building. He stared straight ahead finding himself incapable of turning to watch Dean's last journey up the aisle. No, he knew if he did that he would break down. The man he loved, his husband and best friend, he deserved for Castiel to be able to send him off to heaven with dignity, Dean would expect nothing less from him, so he would do that, he could do that for him. His last act of love for the one who would always hold his heart.

Sam had asked him to be one of the pallbearers, but he knew if he had agreed he would have stumbled under the weight of what he was doing. It would have made it all too real to him and he wasn't ready for that, not yet, it still did not seem completely real. After all it was only a week ago he and Dean talked for the last time, a quick video chat before Dean went out on patrol. The patrol he never came back from, not alive at least. No instead Dean had given his life so his men could escape the enemy who had surrounded them. It was such a Dean thing to do, damn him. Why did he have to go and leave Castiel all alone? How was he going to go on? How was he going to cope with a life without Dean there beside him? What was he to do now? No can't think like that, not here, not now. He had to be strong for Dean one last time, later he could fall apart. Later he could try and find a way out of the hell he now found himself in.

The music came to an end and Castiel knew he would have to face the coffin that was now sitting in front of the large congregation. Turning to look at the wooden box, he wondered abstractly how it was that it could hold the man he had known. The man he had been with for three years, no. There was too much life in Dean to fit inside there. Tuning out the words the priest spoke he instead fell into his mind, as he had been doing a lot ever since the marine Major had turned up on his doorstep to tell him his husband was dead. So instead of listening to the list of Dean's achievements, listening to the stories about the man he loved, he turned his mind to the first time he had seen him, the start of it all. Turned to remember their story together.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _He had been waiting for Gabriel in the bar near the hospital they both worked at. It did not surprise him his brother was late, that man could never be on time for anything. But still every time the door opened Castiel turned to see who it was, to see if Gabriel had even remembered they were meeting today. That was why he noticed the marine come in, wearing his tan uniform which was ironed crisply and shiny shoes on his feet. Looking at his insignia Castiel could see that this man was a sergeant, and one who had seen front line service if the lines on his face were anything to go by. Castiel idly watched the man as he looked around the place as if searching for someone before coming up to the bar to stand next to him. Castiel moved so that the sergeant had more room and when the bartender came up he gestured to the marine to place his order first._

 _"I'll have a beer, thanks." The guy said turning to Castiel and smiling at him. It was the first time the doctor had seen his green eyes up close, and they were enough to take his breathe away. This man was extremely handsome._

 _"You are welcome." Castiel replied with a nod, and then on an impulse he could not define he reached out with his arm and stopped the solider from removing his wallet from his pocket. "Let me, as a way to say thank you for your service to our country."_

 _"Okay, if you're sure, yeah." The guy replied smiling once more. Castiel sensibly turned away from the charming look, it was like the sun had just come into the bar and decided to shine on him. Instead he got the bartenders attention and ordered a beer for himself as well before turning back to the marine, hoping he had himself under control now._

 _"Sergeant Dean Winchester." Dean said holding out his hand to the hot blue eyed man next to him. He was starting to become really glad that Sammy was late for their drink right about then._

 _"Dr Castiel Novak." Castiel replied shaking Dean's had and smiling at him in return. It was then that their eyes locked and they stood there staring at each other for what was no doubt far too long, not that either of them cared. There was just something about the other guy they had met by chance in this bar. There was something…_

 _There staring was broken by the return of the bartender with their drinks which Castiel paid for before turning back to Dean._

 _"So a doctor hu? I should probably be buying you a drink rather than the other way round." Dean responded with humour, his eyes crinkling at the corners with his smile._

 _"I am not the one putting my life on the line for others sergeant." Castiel replied sincerely, though he could not help himself responding to the smile on Dean's face. He doubted anyone could ever not respond to that look on this man._

 _"Call me Dean, doc." Dean said reaching for his drink, this guy wasn't one of his men, he had no need to use his rank._

 _"If you will call me Castiel." Castiel replied serenely, Dean, yes it suited him very well._

 _"How about Cas instead?" Dean asked with a cheeky grin, Castiel seemed way too formal for the guy he was talking to. The guy he knew he found attractive._

 _"I am fine with that." Castiel replied feeling more than happy with Dean giving him a nickname in the short time they talked to each other. Yes, it gave an illusion of closeness, even if it was only in his mind. He still liked it._

* * *

Castiel was pulled from his happy memory back to the funeral for the man with the beautiful green eyes. No, that coffin was definitely not big enough to hold all of Dean, not the Dean he loved.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my dears. I would like to thank Guest, NerdySpaceBean and spnfankat81 for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured this story.**

 **Okay, I just want to confess all I know about the marines is what I have learnt from watching copious amounts of NCIS so I apologise if I get anything wrong.**

 **Anyway here is the next chapter, I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Castiel stood once more as Dean's commanding officer came to the front of the church to posthumously award him the Silver Star Medal for his actions in the field, for how he had gone above and beyond to save the men under him. Castiel listened, he knew Dean would expect him to award his officer with the respect his rank deserved. And as he watched and heard the ceremonial words, he swore he saw Dean to the left of the officer, standing to attention, ready to receive his medal. But of course when it came time for it to be presented rather than turning and pinning it to the chest of the image of Dean Castiel saw, the officer turned to him and handed him, as his spouse, the box with all the respect such an occasion was due.

Castiel stared down at the Star held firmly in its case. He slowly ran his finger around the outside of it, wishing that Dean could see it. Wishing that Dean knew the honour he had been given by the ones he served. He wished more than anything that he had lived to hold this in his hand. He hoped he knew. He hoped up there in heaven, Dean knew how he was being honoured on earth, even if he knew Dean would never believe he deserved it. With slightly blurry eyes he looked up again only to see the image of Dean still standing there, though now his stance was relaxed as he smiled sadly at his husband. No. Castiel could not break down, he would be strong for Dean, he would not cry, or imagine things that weren't there. With that he quickly closed the lid of the medal box and shoved it into his pocket as he forced his eyes to the priest rather than the image of Dean. Of course as soon as he did that and he heard the polite meaningless words being spoken his mind once more drifted to his memory of his first meeting with Dean. Of the time he fell in love.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _Dean and Castiel moved to a booth at the back of the bar so they could talk without being overheard by the bartender or anyone else coming into the bar. They had both forgotten they were supposed to meeting someone else, all their attention, all their thoughts were on the man next to them._

 _"So what department do you work in at the hospital Cas?" Dean asked wanting to know more about this man who seemed to have caught him as no one else ever had._

 _"I work in the E.R at present. It seemed the most logical area to go into considering my previous career." Castiel replied with a shrug. He was happy to talk about his work, he loved his job. The way he had to help people._

 _"Why? What was your previous work?" Dean asked confused by that sentence. Hadn't the guy always been a doctor?_

 _"I worked for doctors without borders for about a decade." Castiel responded with a smile. Even if it had been perilous work, going into war-torn countries to help, what he had managed to do there more than made up for it. He had helped so many people, no matter who they were. It fulfilled him in a way he couldn't describe, and the majority of the people he knew couldn't understand. But he had left at the right time. After a decade spent in other countries, constantly in danger, he had felt the need to come home, to settle down to a nice safe life._

 _"Wow, I think it should be me buying you a drink then Cas. You've done a helluva lot more than me for people." Dean replied with awe in his voice. This man was a freakin' angel. Why the hell was he talking to him?_

 _At that Castiel smiled. He had never had that response to his previous career before. It was refreshing to find someone who understood why he had done what he had. He was glad Dean understood, it made him like the man even more, and most definitely glad that fate had made it so they would meet this evening._

 _"The military does good Dean, just in a different way. We all have our parts to play."_

 _"Yeah I guess. But still, you must have gone places even marines wouldn't go." Dean replied with a shake of his head at the courage this guy must have. The bravery it would take, it wasn't something he saw regularly in civilians._

 _"Not always, and there is a reason marines don't go there but doctors do. Anyway enough of that, tell me about you, how long have you been in the marines?" Castiel asked deciding they had discussed him long enough. He wanted to know more about the man next to him._

 _"Well, I joined when my brother Sammy went to college. I always planed on becoming a marine, just like our dad had been, but I was Sammy's sole career so I had to wait until he could look after himself." Dean responded conversationally finding it strange but also liberating at how easy it was to talk to Cas._

 _"So you didn't go to college?" Castiel asked trying to get a picture of the man beside him, though he realised as he said the words his blunt speech could offend the man at his side. He hoped not, he was just curious, he did not care if Dean had a degree or not, in fact he didn't care if Dean had even completed high school. He was obviously good at his job, he had raised to the rank of sergeant after all._

 _"Na, smarts are Sammy's thing, not mine. I'm more action led." Dean replied not at all offended by the words. There were many of his friends and even some of his superiors who wanted him to go back to college, to work on becoming an officer, but that wasn't him._

 _"Which I imagine serves you well in your chosen career." Castiel responded with a smile. Yes he could see that. He could see Dean as a man who preferred doing things rather than sitting in a classroom or lecturer hall studying._

 _"It does that. I choose right, I love my job and my unit. We're like a second family." Dean replied with a sunny smile._

 _"Yes, I always admired that about the marines I met throughout the years." Castiel answered with a smile of his own. This of course led to a discussion to see if they knew any of the same people. And when they found out that they did, a deeper bond formed between them making them feel as if they were the only two people in the bar who truly understood each other. This of course led the conversation to other, none work related topics, music and movies, and likes and dislikes. And even there they found there tastes very similar. It was almost like they were made for each other._

 _This conversation was interrupted by a very tall man with long brown hair approaching them._

 _"Sorry I'm late Dean, my client wouldn't leave. Though it seems you've made a friend." Sam Winchester said smiling at the man with his brother. He wondered who he was, wondered if he could be the one who would finally get his brother to settle down, leave the marines and come home. Not that he would ever say that in words. It was just, his brother's profession was so damn dangerous, he didn't want to lose Dean. No he couldn't lose Dean._

 _"Sammy, this is Cas, Cas, Sammy." Dean replied doing the introductions and smirking when his brother gave him one of his infamous bitchfaces._

 _Sam held out his hand to the man with Dean while glaring at his brother for calling him Sammy, when would he stop doing that?_

 _"It's Sam. Pleased to meet you Cas."_

 _"You too Sam." Castiel replied shaking the man's hand with a smile. He was about to suggest he join him and Dean, but turning to man next to him he saw he was getting up. His time with the sergeant was over then, well it was good while it lasted, he had enjoyed their time together, and it would be a pleasant encounter he would definitely remember._

 _Dean got up. He was on leave and he wanted to spend time with his brother, but even if he knew that he felt a twinge inside at the idea that he wouldn't get to talk to Cas again. He debated for a few seconds but then decided what the hell, you only live once right?_

 _"Hey Cas, umm, I'm only in town a few days on leave, but maybe we could meet up tomorrow night if your free? Maybe go see a movie or go for dinner or somethin'?" He asked feeling embarrassed by his words. He just knew Sammy would be smirking at him, but whatever. He would be fine if Cas agreed. Damn, he hoped Cas agreed._

 _"I would like that very much Dean." Castiel agreed readily, to be able to spend a whole evening with Dean, yes he really would like that._

 _"Awesome, so what do you want to do?" Dean asked smiling now, his embarrassment having vanished at Cas' agreement._

 _"You decide." Castiel replied with a chuckle. He would be happy doing anything Dean wanted, because he would be with Dean doing it._

 _"Okay, I'll pick you up at seven?" Dean suggested hoping that that was okay. The longer they had together the better._

 _"Seven is fine, here…" Castiel responded pulling one his cards from his pocket and scribbling his address on the back, though he made sure it was very readable. He did not want Dean not to be able to find where he lived because of his spider like handwriting._

 _"I'll see you then then Cas." Dean replied taking the card and looking at the address before giving the man sitting his most charming smile. He already couldn't wait for the next night._

 _"I look forward to it." Castiel responded with a large smile of his own which didn't dim as he watched Dean and Sam walk out of the bar. He and Dean were going out again the next evening, though he doubted it was a date, it would still give him more time with the amazing man._

 _"Well, well, looks like Cassie pulled in my absence." Came a voice pulling him from his happy thoughts, making him glare at the speaker._

 _"He is just a friend Gabriel. Nothing more." Castiel replied sternly. He did not want his brother anywhere near Dean. That would be a sure fire way for it to all go wrong._

 _"If you say so little bro, but from where I was standing I would say he wants to be more than that." Gabriel responded with a smirk as he saw hope flare in his brothers eyes._

 _"Why were you so late?" Castiel asked hoping to change the conversation anyway from Dean. And it worked, not that it stopped his mind from returning to the beautiful green eyes and the knowledge he would be seeing Dean again the next evening. He couldn't wait._

* * *

The ending of Castiel's memory coincided with the ending of the funeral service. Therefore no one noticed that he had not been paying attention as they moved outside for the next part. The part where they would commit Dean's body to the earth. Castiel wasn't sure he would be able to get through this next part, to watch the remains of the man he loved sink from sight, but he knew he had to. He had to be strong for Dean.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello my dears. I would like to thank Katerinaelizabethallan and We'reNotGonnaPayRent for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured this story since my last update.**

 **So here is the next chapter, I hope you like it, though I did find tears in my eyes at the end of writing it, but then I cry at the end of Disney's Cars, so I am really no judge. Again stuff in italics is a memory.**

 **Anyway, umm, enjoy?**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Castiel stood and watched as the flag which had been draped over Dean's coffin was folded with military precision. It was fascinating how the servicemen moved, making it look so easy, though that thought led him to assume that it was because they had had a lot of practise, which was not nice one. No, instead he made his mind concentrate on what was happening in front of him, concentrate on keeping his back straight and his head up as Dean would expect him to. Concentrate on taking the folded flag in his arms and pulling it close to him. The final honour and his final reminder that Dean had died servicing his country.

With that done the military personnel blended back into the mourners as the priest spoke the final words over Dean's coffin, not that Castiel was listening to them, no he was watching as Dean was slowly lowered into the deep dark earth. He shouldn't be going down there, Dean did not like being underground. He did not like the idea of being buried alive, it was one of his worst fears. Of course as soon as Castiel thought that his brain counted with the fact that it didn't really matter, because Dean was no longer alive. He couldn't think of that. No, he couldn't let it all go so easily. So standing there, the folded flag held close to his chest Castiel let his mind return to where it had been. To his and Dean's first meeting, to their first date. Yes, go back to the beginning, then he could pretend the end had not yet come.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _Castiel waited impatiently for Dean to arrive at his house, of course he had no idea if he would be in a car or cab, but he just wanted him to be there, now. Though when he checked his watch he saw it was still five minutes to seven. Dean was not late yet._

 _At one minute too Castiel stood with his face pressed to the window, as such he watched as a big black car pulled up by his house. He hoped this was Dean. His hope was rewarded when the man got out the driver's side wearing less formal clothes this time. Though he was still wearing a shirt, he paired it with a smart pair of jeans and a leather jacket, and to Castiel he had never looked more handsome, not that this was a date, was it?_

* * *

 _Dean pulled up at the address Cas had given him and took a look at the house. It wasn't large, but it seemed nice, inviting even, or maybe that was because he knew the cute doctor lived here. Either way it was time to get out and go and collect Cas, he just hoped the guy liked the date he had organised for them._

* * *

 _Castiel was standing behind the door checking himself in the mirror when the knock came on it. It was one of precision, not that he would expect anything different from a military man. Moving to open the door he smiled as he spoke._

 _"Hello Dean."_

 _"Hey Cas, you ready?" Dean asked returning the smile full force. He had been nervous about tonight, I mean he didn't exactly go on many dates. He didn't really having the time what with work and his family, and then when he did met someone he liked, they never really understood what it meant to be a marine, how to cope with him being gone for months at a time. He just hoped Cas would be different, I mean he at least understood what he did, would understand if he couldn't tell him where he was going or how long he would be, or at least he hoped he would. If the guy liked him that was, but hey, he had agreed to go on a date with him, so he must do, right?_

 _"Yes I am. So where are we going Dean?" Castiel asked grabbing his trench coat as he walked out of the door._

 _"I've booked a table for us at La Etoiles, that alright?" He asked hoping it was. He had asked his brother where he thought he should take Cas, I mean he really didn't spend much time in town, and when he did he only really went one place. But he couldn't take Cas there for a first date, it really wasn't posh enough in his mind._

 _"Yes Dean, I have never been there, but I hear the food is exquisite." Castiel replied rather surprised by Dean's reply. Did that mean Dean thought this was a date? Was Gabriel right when he said Dean liked him more than as a friend? Was he on a date with the handsome man next to him? Oh he really hoped so._

 _"Okay then." Dean responded opening the passenger door for Cas like the gentleman he was before he made his way to the driver's side._

 _Yes this was definitely a date, Castiel was just glad he had made an effort with his clothes, choosing his favourite shirt and jeans for his evening with Dean. It seemed it was going to be even better than he had thought it would be._

 _They arrived at the restaurant and were shown to their table before being given menus and then left to peruse them. But as Castiel did so he noticed Dean did not seem quite right, he did not seem… comfortable. And Castiel did not want Dean to be uncomfortable on their date, he needed to know what was wrong so he could fix it and make every prefect again._

 _"Dean are you all right?" He asked lowering his menu and not really bothering to read it._

 _"Yeah, I'm fine Cas, just… you know, not used to places like this." Dean replied in a low voice. I mean he had thought this place would be smart, but looking round, there were real linen napkins on the table, and the menus were leather. Leather for freaks sake, this really wasn't him. Why the hell had he asked Sammy for advice again?_

 _"Would you like to leave?" Castiel suggested placing his menu down on the table. As he had thought before, he didn't care what he did, as long as he did it with Dean. And he wanted to be with the real Dean, and for that he wanted the other man to be comfortable._

 _"Na, that's alright. We here now so…" Dean replied with a smile wanting to kick himself for making Cas fell like they needed to go somewhere else. Way to go Dean Winchester, awesome impression to give someone on your first date, that you're a complete hick. What the hell was wrong with him?_

 _"Dean, I think I would prefer going somewhere… less formal." Castiel said into the silence that followed. He could see Dean Thoughts in his eyes, he had had much experience of understanding people without a word being spoken after all. His years abroad had taught him much about silent communication._

 _"Really Cas?" Dean asked in disbelief, though he wouldn't be surprised if Cas said he just wanted to go home, this was a terrible idea._

 _"Yes Dean really. Let us go and get a drink or something, I would like that." Castiel responded standing up and holding out his hand for the other man making Dean blink up at him before he took it. If Cas wanted to leave, then leave they would._

 _With that Castiel walked out of the restaurant with his head held high and his hand in Dean's, a smile playing on his lips at the startled looks the staff were giving them. Not that he cared._

* * *

 _"So where to now Cas?" Dean asked once they got back to his car and they had both climbed into their respective seats. He expected the other man to tell him to take him home, he did not expect the response he got._

 _"Where would you normally go when you are home on leave?" Castiel asked with a tilt of his head. The best way to learn more about this man was to see him where he felt right, where he felt he could be himself._

 _"The Roadhouse. I worked there for a bit before I joined the marines, the staff there have become kinda like a second family." Dean replied wondering why, though he had a good idea. Was Cas gonna ask him to take him there? To take him to meet everyone? Wouldn't that be a bit too much or some shit like that? Didn't Cas want all the trappings of courtship? Then again this guy had spent the last decade in war-torn countries, you never know, to him The Roadhouse could be seen as a five star restaurant, or at least that was what Dean tried to persuade himself at any rate._

 _"Then let's go there." Castiel stated before moving to put on his seatbelt and then stare out of the windscreen until Dean chuckling shook his head and started the engine. It seemed Cas was gonna meet his 'family' much sooner than he had planned then._

* * *

Castiel was pulled out of the memory, which had left a small smile on his face, by the feel of a hand on his shoulder. Turning he saw his brother standing there waiting for him, looking far too sombre in a black suit and tie. Turning back to the grave he knew what Gabriel wanted. He wanted him to come away, to not watch as they filled it in. Taking one last look at the coffin which somehow contained all he loved in the world Castiel hugged the flag still in his arms tighter as he whispered so only the one meant to hear would.

"Goodbye Dean. I love you, and I promise, I will see you again."

He quickly pulled his eyes away from below before he could dishonour Dean by crying, looking instead directly in front of him hoping to pull himself together. Instead he found himself looking once more at the image of Dean standing across from him, though this time he was not in his dress clothes, but his usual jeans and leather jacket. He had a smile on his face and as Castiel stared at him one last time he could see the image of Dean mouth words to him. And even if he couldn't hear them, he knew what he had said.

"I love you too Cas, and I'll be waiting for you."

With that the Dean image vanished and Castiel knew for certainty he would not be seeing his love again. Not until he went to heaven to join him. With that aching thought in mind he turned and allowed his brother to lead him from Dean's final resting place.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my darlings. I would like to thank spnfankat81 for the lovely review.**

 **So here is the next chapter, its moves between memories and the now, so I hope it makes sense. The bits in italics are the memories.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Castiel sat on his and Dean's couch, was it still his and Dean's if one of them was dead? Yes, it was still their couch in their home. He had Gabriel and Sam either side of him and he simply watched the various people come and offer their condolences. They were like waves on the seashore, how they would come in packs and then depart, or maybe they were more like polite people in a bank. Queuing up for their turn. Either way he didn't listen to the words they spoke, they were meaningless. No instead to pass the time until they left their home and left him in peace, he used it to he remembered the first time he had met them all. The first time Dean had taken him to the Roadhouse, the end of his and Dean's first date, or the real first date as he liked to think of it.

First up was Ellen, her eyes sad and full of sympathy as she took hand and squeezed, telling him that if he ever needed anything to just ask or something like that he just gave her a small smile as his mind drifted back in time once more.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _He had seen Dean take a deep breath before they entered the Roadhouse, though he had no idea why then. Of course as soon as they walked through the door and into the light it became rather apparent to him. Because suddenly across the bar there was a scream of Dean's name, making everyone there turn to them, to stare with smiles on their faces. Castiel just stood there blinking at the sudden attention, but luckily his vision was soon filled by a woman with brownish hair coming and giving Dean a massive hug._

 _"Dean Winchester, it's good to see you back. How long are you here for?" Ellen asked pulling away from Dean and running her eyes over him to make sure he wasn't injured in any way._

 _"Just a few days. Ellen I want you to meet a friend of mine Cas, Cas this is Ellen, she owns this place." Dean replied with a massive smile on his face. Ellen had always treated him like she was his mom or somethin', it was kinda awesome really._

 _"Friend is it? Are you a marine too?" Ellen asked turning her eyes to the man next to Dean, though looking at this Cas' hair she was pretty sure the answer to that was no. He did not have the relegation short back and sides._

 _"No, I am a doctor." Castiel responded with a smile for the woman, hoping he could make a good impression on someone who was so obviously important to the man next to him._

 _"I'm hoping you didn't meet him while he was fixing you up young man." Ellen answered switching her eyes back to Dean and narrowing them as she checked once more to make sure she hadn't missed any hurt he was trying to hide from her._

 _"No we met in a bar. Last night in fact, this is our first date." Dean replied with a chuckle. He knew exactly what Ellen was doing, and well, he was happy to let her worry about him a bit. Not that she needed too, he would be fine. He was good at his job._

 _"Well then, we must make sure it's the best date ever then hadn't we?" Ellen replied standing back with a massive smile before shooing the two of them into a back booth, giving them at least a small amount of privacy for their first date._

* * *

By the time Castiel came back to the wake that was happening around him Ellen had left. It hurt him to compare the smile she had had every time Dean came home to the one she was sporting now. But then again, right then, everything hurt in Castiel.

The next he realised to come up to them was Ellen's daughter Jo, her eyes red rimmed from crying. He wanted to comfort her, give her support for the pain she was going through, just as Dean would wish him too, but he found he did not have the energy, instead he turned to the time when her eyes had been filled with love and friendship not pain and sorrow.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _"Dean, you're back. Thank god." Jo screeched when she came up to their table to take their order. She was so happy to see Dean again, and with a cute guy in tow too. Way to go Dean._

 _"Hey Jo, good to see you. How you been?" Dean asked smiling at the girl whose eyes sparkled at him. He'd missed her._

 _"Oh you know the usual. So who's your date?" Jo asked with a smirk turning the conversation back to Dean. Her mom had told her that Dean was on a date and to behave, but surely both her and Dean knew that was never gonna happen when he came into their bar with a guy, right?_

 _"This is Cas. Cas, Jo, she's like the sister I never wanted." Dean replied with a roll of his eyes, though not being able to stop himself smiling at Cas when he did the introductions, enjoying how he seemed to be taking these people who meant so much to him in his stride._

 _"Behave Dean, or I'll tell him all the embarrassing stories I have about you." Jo said sticking out her hand for Cas to shake. Oh yes, she could tell this guy soo many things about Dean Winchester._

 _"Like I said she's wonderful, best girl I ever met." Dean corrected quickly with a jokey tone, though he did glare daggers at Jo for even suggesting it. There were things he would prefer Cas didn't hear about from his past. I mean everyone did stupid things when they were young right?_

 _"It is a pleasure to meet you Jo, and I think I would like to hear some of those stories sometime." Cas responded shaking Jo's hand with a twinkle in his eyes as he completely ignored Dean's comment._

 _"I like you so…whether your free, come on round. I'll tell you all I know." Jo replied in a conspiratorial whisper, even if Dean could hear it as clear as day._

 _"Jo please, get us beer." Dean begged. Fine, once he was gone, Cas and Jo could talk. But he just really didn't want her doing it now. He wanted to spend his date with the man he had asked out thank you very much. And hey, he doubted Cas would care enough once he was gone to return here to hear Jo's stories anyway._

 _Once the girl had gone Dean turned to Cas and took his hand in his own as he gave him a rueful smile, as if apologising the hijacking their date had had so far, and the hijacking he knew would come throughout the evening. "And now you see why I didn't want to bring you here for our first date."_

 _"I think it's wonderful to have such friends. I like it here Dean, and I am glad you brought me." Castiel replied sincerely as he smiled into Dean's beautiful green eyes. He was overjoyed that Dean had told his friends that they were on a date. It was official. He was dating Dean Winchester, and he loved it._

 _"Yeah well, I may be a little glad I brought you too." Dean answered with a soft smile of his own. I mean if this guy could deal with these people, and accepted his second family, then maybe there was a chance this would be more than a fling while he was home. And Dean was definitely coming to the conclusion that he wanted something more than a fling with Cas. Even if he had no idea how to make that happen when he was only back a week before he shipped out once more for another six month tour._

* * *

The last person of any importance in Castiel's mind at least, to approach them on the couchy was a man Castiel knew he couldn't ignore. Dean would never forgive him if he did.

"Bobby." He said quietly, it was the first word he had said in what seemed like a very long time, and it caused both his brother and brother-in-law turn briefly from their own conversations to his, until that was they saw who he was talking to and turned back to give them both an illusion of privacy. Sam knew he would have chance to talk to the man who had become a father to both him and his brother after Cas had. No need to intrude on their conversation. Gabriel on the other hand was well aware of how important Bobby had been to not just Dean but Castiel as well, and as such gave him the respect he deserved, leaving him to say his words only to his brother.

"Cas. You've gotta live for him now, you hear me boy? Got to keep living, not just existing." Bobby said in his gruff tone. He couldn't bring himself to say the platitudes he knew he should. He too had lost the love of his life, he knew what Cas was going through. And he knew that he would find it hard to come out the other side. But he had to. Dean wouldn't want it any other way.

"I will try." Castiel replied honestly, he could be nothing else with this man. The one who had had played such a large part in getting him and Dean to stay together, who had always been there for him to talk to when his love was away.

"That's the best you can do lad, just don't stop." Bobby nodded as if reaffirming his words.

"I won't." Castiel whispered out in a promise, though he knew when he said it, it wasn't just to the man in front of him he was promising those words too. Dean would not want him to give up just because he was gone. He would want him to continue living, and for Dean he would do anything, even if it was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

With that Bobby moved on to talk to Sam, leaving Castiel to go back into his mind, to relive the first time he had met Bobby, not that it had seemed eventful at the time, but it had been a turning point in his relationship with Dean. The one point he knew he could point to and say, this was the what had got them together, or more to the point, that was who had got them together.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _It had been at the end of their date, their first perfect date. Dean and Castiel had spent their time talking and holding hands, and quite a lot of staring into each other's eyes, as well as many interruptions from people wanting to welcome Dean home, not that either of them really minded them. As long as they were left in peace for the rest of the time. But now it was time to leave._

 _As they made their way towards the exit of the bar Dean stopped suddenly, before turning to smile at Castiel with a nervous look on his face._

 _"There's one more person I want you to meet." He said hoping Cas would let him introduce them. I mean Cas had met Ellen and Jo, and so many others, they couldn't leave the bar without him meeting Bobby too. Not in Dean's mind._

 _"Of course Dean. I am happy to meet whoever you wish me too." Castiel replied with a smile at the realisation that Dean wanted him to meet someone who was obviously important to him. It confirmed to him that the date had indeed gone as well as he believed it had._

 _With Castiel's words Dean said nothing more, just dragged him by the hand he was holding to a gruff older man in a baseball cap who was sitting at the bar._

 _"Bobby, I want you to meet Cas, Cas this Bobby. I used to work for him at the local garage." Dean said with a loving smile on his face making Castiel realise that this man was a lot more to Dean than just a previous employer._

 _"It's pleasure to meet you Bobby." Cas said holding out his hand for the man, hoping he would take it._

 _"You too Cas. It's been a while since I've seen this one so happy." Bobby replied after a second of staring at the two men in front of him. "Well glad you haven't got yourself blown to hell yet boy, when ya coming home for good?" Bobby asked turning to glare at Dean._

 _"You know the answer to that one Bobby." Dean responded with a shake of his head. It was the same every time he saw him, but he didn't hold it against Bobby. He knew he respected his choice of career, he was just worried about him._

 _"Can't stop a man from trying to keep his boy out of trouble." Bobby grumbled before turning back to Castiel. "Hmm, maybe you can persuade him to stop throwing himself into the line of fire."_

 _"I would never stop Dean from doing what he wishes to do." Castiel replied in an absolute voice making Dean's smile widen. Cas understood, Cas would never ask him to quit the marines for him._

 _"Neither would I, but it don't stop me from worrying about the idjit." Bobby responded before turning back to his drink, letting them both know he had dismissed them._

* * *

 _On the drive back to his house Castiel was trying to find the right words to ask Dean about his relationship with Bobby, when the other man volunteered the information he sort._

 _"It was just after dad had died that I went to work for Bobby. He took Sam and I under his wing, looked after us. He became like another father to us both."_

 _"I liked him very much." Castiel said after he thought over the words Dean had spoken, and all he hadn't said with them._

 _"Yeah? Most people think he's a gruff pain in the ass." Dean chuckled in response as he pulled his baby up at the curb of Cas' house._

 _"No. he loves you, and that is the only important thing in my mind." Castiel replied with absolute conviction. Surely that really was the only important thing in Bobby and Dean's relationship, that they loved each other._

 _"You really are like no one else I have ever met, you know that Cas?" Dean asked with awe in his voice as he turned to stare at the man next to him. He saw so much with those big gorgeous blue eyes of his, and yet he didn't judge any of it. It really was like a breath of fresh air to the marine._

 _"Is that a good thing or not?" Castiel asked with a smile as he tilted his head, though in truth the question as a serious one. Did Dean want to see him again? He hoped so, he would really like to see him as much as he could before he shipped out._

 _"Oh it's good, it's very good." Dean murmured as he slowly moved his head towards Cas, hoping to have a chance to finish their first date the way it should finish. With a perfect first kiss._

 _"I am glad." Castiel whispered as he too moved towards Dean. Their lips met halfway between them, and the kiss was gentle. It was not filled with passion, they did not yet know each other well enough for that, but it was hinted at. It started as just a joining of their lips, but it did not take long for them to open their mouths and explore each other with their tongues, enjoying this new experience, enjoying sharing it with the man next to them. When they pulled apart by mutual consent they were not out of breath, or despite to take things further. They had want they needed for now, they both knew they liked each other, and they both knew they liked each other enough not to turn it into a one night fumble. No they both wanted something more from what was happening between them._

 _"I would like to see you again Dean." Castiel said into the silence that followed their kiss. The silence that was filled with staring._

 _"Yeah me too." Dean agreed with a smile splitting his face. For the first time that he could remember he had found someone he truly felt he could be with, without having to change for them, someone he could see himself coming home to._


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello my darlings. I would like to thank spnfankat81 for the lovely review. I would also like to thank all of you have followed and favoured since my last update.**

 **So sorry for the long time between updates, but I was on holiday, and then got sucked into a new fandom. Anyway I hope to be back now and should soon get back to my Friday night up dates. But for now, here is the next chapter I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Finally the wake was over and everyone was gone. Both Sam and Gabriel had offered to stay with him, but he refused. Sam had his own morning to do, and Gabriel, well he would prefer his brother did not see him how he was now. Losing his tightly held control.

So now here he was, in their house all alone, like he would be for the rest of his life. At that thought Castiel crumbed as if finally hit home to him that Dean was never coming back. Dean was never going to be there with him again. He had lost the one person he loved more than any other, and he would have to go on living without him. Curling into the couch Castiel lay himself down, soaking the cushions with his tears as he thought of all he had lost, as he felt the pain sear through him at never being able to hold Dean in his arms again, at never hearing him laugh, or seeing his eyes twinkle when joked. The man he loved was dead, and he would never see him again. It was tearing him apart in a way that made Castiel wonder if he would be able to go on without him, but he had to. Dean would want him to. He had to try, and so to avoid the pain and heartache he was feeling Castiel turned his mind to the first time he had to say goodbye to Dean. The first time that he thought he would never see him again, though for very different reasons to the ones he was now living.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _They had spent the prefect week together, Dean and Castiel, and sometimes their brothers. But they both knew that in just a matter of days Dean would be leaving once more. Castiel had accepted that fact. He knew the joy he felt with Dean was just temporary, even if he wished it could be otherwise. But then came the day, the day that Dean left on his next deployment, the one he couldn't talk about. They all knew what that meant. Castiel was prepared to say goodbye to Dean the night before when they met up for their last date, but at the end of it the man had surprised him, asking Castiel if he would come with him and Sam to airport to see him off. Of course Castiel could only say yes to that request, and not just because of what he was being asked to do, but rather what it meant. It mean that Dean felt more for him than a casual fling, not that they had time to realise what they could become. But still he would go, he would see Dean off._

 _So the next day found him and Sam standing there with determined grins on their face as they watched the one they cared about walk away from them and into danger. Castiel tried to say something to Sam, something to soothe the younger man, but when Sam turned to him he could see in his eyes that he already feared for the day Dean would not come back._

 _"Cas, you've been good for him. Thank you." Sam said sticking out his hand to the older man who he knew had made Dean's leave so special. Had given his brother a glimce at what he could have, if only he stayed._

 _"He has been good for me too Sam, and he will come back." Castiel replied shaking the man's hand and seeing the slight smile on his face that said he wanted to believe his words but he was preparing himself for the worst._

 _"See you around Cas." was all Sam said as he turned and left the terminal, leaving Castiel standing looking towards the gate Dean had left by, wondering if there was any chance he would ever see the man again. He hoped he would. He even though briefly of re-joining doctors without borders in the hopes of meeting up with Dean, but he knew that was a stupid idea. Instead he went back out of the airport and headed towards his car with the aim of going home. Therefore he was rather surprised to find the place he ended up. It really hadn't been his destination after all._

 _But still here he was, sitting outside the Roadhouse, the place he connected to Dean, which in retrospect explained why he was there. He had been thinking of nothing but Dean the whole journey. He shouldn't be here, but he couldn't force himself to drive away. Instead he found himself climbing out of the car and walking towards the door. He had no idea what he was doing or why, but he felt he needed something. Something to show him that Dean was not just a dream, that he was real, that what they had was real._

 _Entering the bar he found it practically empty, he was about to turn and leave when a gruff voice spoke to him. A gruff voice he knew._

 _"Sit down ya idjit, and have a drink."_

 _"Bobby. What are you doing here?" Castiel asked as he did as he was told and took the beer Ellen gave him._

 _"Same as you I guess. Hoping our boy don't get himself blown to hell." Bobby muttered in reply._

 _"He is not my boy, Bobby." Castiel replied, wanting to make sure the man knew that he and Dean had made no promises, made no commitment beyond what they had had._

 _"Could've fooled me. He looked at you like you were the crown jewels." Bobby responded with a chuckle. There was no way Cas wasn't important to his Dean. Therefore he was important to him. Simple as._

 _"We had a fling Bobby, a holiday romance, it's over now." Castiel replied with a sigh as he looked at the beer in his hand wishing it wasn't so. He and Dean had only had sex on the last night, but it was definitely something he would like more than anything to be able to repeat. But he knew why they had both done it then. It was the end and they both wanted to make sure they made the most of the time they had together._

 _"If that's a fling then I'm t-total." Bobby huffed. What was it with this generation and not seeing what was written for all to see?_

 _"There is nothing I can do about it now though is there." Castiel replied with a huff of his own. Did he want a chance for him and Dean to be more? Sure he did. But that didn't change the fact that Dean was gone._

 _"You could write to him." Bobby responded giving the guy a side glance. What would he make of that suggestion he wondered._

 _"I don't have his address." Castiel stated simply. No it was a one week wonder, he could to terms with that. He would have to._

 _At his words Bobby gestured to Ellen to ask her for pen and paper, and once it was in front of him Bobby scribbled something down before passing it to Castiel._

 _"And now you do." Was all he said making the other man look down at what was written in front of him. It was an address of a naval commander with a Dean's name. He knew it was the address that he could write to Dean if he wished to, and no matter where he was in the world he would get it. He now had in his hand a way to contract the man who had turned his head in a way on one else ever had._

 _"Thank you." He whispered as he placed the paper carefully into his wallet. Bobby had just given him something he never thought to have. A way to continue his relationship with Dean, if he was brave enough to do it. No that really wasn't a problem, because any chance of seeing Dean again, keeping in touch with Dean, Castiel knew he would take it._

 _"Don't thank me, just write to the idjit." Bobby responded before turning away making it clear to Castiel that there conversation was over. But he didn't care. He could write to Dean now, whether he would reply or not was up to the other man, but he now had a way to keep in contact with the man he was pretty sure he was falling in love. Who could ask for more?_

 _Finishing his beer with a genuine smile on his face Castiel left the Roadhouse and headed home, he had a letter to write._


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello my dears. I would like to thank NerdySpaceBean for the lovely review.**

 **So here is the next chapter, again the bits in italics are memories. I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Castiel remembered the letters. Lying there crying on their couch thinking he would never move again, he suddenly remembered the letters. He got up slowly before making his way to their bedroom. He froze at the door. He hadn't entered this room since he had been told Dean was dead, and he wasn't sure he could do it now. But he wanted those letters. So taking a deep breath he made himself walk in, though he did not look at the bed, nor any of the furniture in the room. It reminded him too much of the last time he and Dean where in here together. The last time he had seen his beautiful smile as he woke. No don't think of that. Think of the letters. So dropping to his knees Castiel reached under the bed and pulled out an old wooden box. He had brought it from a yard sale years ago because he had liked and for no other reason. But when the letters started coming he had found the perfect use for it. Taking it out and picking it up he quickly exited the room, almost running down the stairs as if he wanted to get as far away from his last happy memories with the man he loved as he could.

Once he was back on the couch he carefully placed the box down on the coffee table before going to get himself a drink of whiskey. He poured a couple of fingers into a glass and was about to return the bottle to its home when he stopped. He had a feeling he was going to need more than that he had poured if he was survive this night. So bringing the bottle with him he settled down on the couch and opened the box, smiling slightly at the two piles of letters in it. One side was nicely bound in ribbon, the other in rough string. Reaching for the ribbon bound pile he slowly let his fingers run lovingly across the address written in Dean's hand. But he didn't take them out. He couldn't, not yet. He needed to start at the beginning.

So instead he pulled out the other pile. The pile which was written in his own distinctive hand, and which were slightly battered. Gently easing open the string as if it was the most expensive thing ever he turned the pile upside down, and taking the letter from the bottom before carefully opening it. It was the first letter he had ever written to the man who would come to mean so much to him. He may have written it three years ago, but he didn't need to read it to know what it said. He just held it as Dean had once done and remembered.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _It was a lot harder than he had thought it would be, as evidenced by all the scrunched up bits of paper lying around him. He wasn't sure what he should say in this first letter to the man he had come to care for so much. He didn't want to sound too clingy, but on the other hand he didn't want to sound too guardedly. It was a hard balance to obtain. But finally he felt he had it. It was short, very short. I mean Dean had only left that morning, there was much to say really. It just explained that Bobby had given him the address and he hoped Dean would want to write to him. Hoped that the other man would want to see if maybe they could be something more than just a week._

 _Without giving himself a chance to change it Castiel put it into an envelope and sealed it away before carefully writing the address on the front and placing a stamp upon it. He then got up and despite the fact in was now very late, he made his way mailbox at the end of his street and pushed it in. It was done, now all he could do was wait and see if Dean decided to reply._

* * *

Castiel came out of his memory and took a large gulp of his drink before he turned to the remaining pile of letters. Carefully pulling open the ribbon so he could extract the first letter Dean had ever sent him from wherever he had been. Castiel still didn't know, but that had always been part of the man he loved's job, so he accepted it. He held the letter in his hand just looking at it while he tried to keep the tears at bay. He did not want his tears to ruin one of the only things he now had left of his husband. Of the man he was going to have to learn to live without. With that thought he put the letter back down and picked up his drink as he lay back and once more let the tears fall. Who knew he had so many? But that didn't matter. Think of the letters Castiel. Think of them and forget the rest.

* * *

 _Three years ago…_

 _It had been nearly two weeks from when he had sent Dean the letter, and Castiel had almost put it from his mind. Thinking that it was obvious that the other man did not want anything more to do with him. He could cope with that. It was the way life went, he would move on. But then one day he returned from work to find it sitting there waiting for him. A letter sent care of the US marines, and he knew exactly who it was from. There was only one person who would write to him from the services after all._

 _Moving to take off his coat and put away his bag, he then carefully made his way to his couch to open it and see what Dean had to say. To see if the other man wanted to try and continue their relationship through letters. His hands were shaking when he carefully pulled the thin piece of paper out, wondering if Dean had just written back to tell him to leave him alone. But he hadn't._

 _Dean wrote as he spoke, and as he read the words Castiel could hear the other man in head saying them. They were friendly, though there was a touch of a deeper connection in them. It was a suggestion that they share stories about their lives, get to know each other even if they were miles apart. Castiel couldn't have been happier, and as soon as he had finished reading it, he put pen to paper once more. Willing and able to do as Dean had suggested._

 _The letters continued. Castiel wrote to Dean religiously every week, even if sometimes he didn't get a reply for two maybe three weeks, and then suddenly three or four letters would arrive at once. Castiel didn't care, he knew Dean was getting his correspondence and he was replying, that was all that mattered to him. They both learnt a lot about each other in that time, having only pen and paper as a way to keep their relationship alive._

 _And when, six months later Dean wrote to say he was coming back for leave and wondered if Castiel wanted to meet him, the other man counted the days until he would stand once more in the airport. But this time he would not be saying goodbye, no this time he would be welcoming his man home._


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again. So here is the next chapter, as per usual the bits in italics are memories.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, nor the lines of the song.**

* * *

 _'But it's alright  
Yeah it's alright  
I said it's alright_

 _Easy for you to say_  
 _Your heart has never been broken_  
 _Your pride has never been stolen_  
 _Not yet not yet'_

 _These Days – by Foo Fighters_

* * *

Gabriel came round Cas and Dean's place the next morning with the aim of seeing how his brother was doing after burying the man he loved. He still couldn't get his head around the fact that Dean was no more. He would no longer get to tease his brother-in-law, nor wind him up. Dean always seemed to fill the room when he was in it, and he knew Cassie would find the house empty with him gone. Not to mention how empty his little brother's heart was. With a shake of his head to pull his mind from those thoughts. He was there to help Cassie not be morose.

With that he let himself into the house with the key he had. He wondering where Castiel was, but walking into the livingroom he found him exactly where he had left him the previous day. On the couch. Though this time he was accompanied by an almost empty bottle of whiskey and was surrounded by letters. He sighed at the sight, it broke his heart to see him like this, but he knew it wouldn't be getting any better any time soon. He just had to be there for Cassie, make sure he knew he wasn't alone and he would help him in anyway he could. As such he moved to pick up the papers but stopped when he heard Castiel's deep growl.

"Don't. Touch. Them."

"Okay Cassie. I'll go put on some coffee for you then shall I?" He asked raising with his hands up as if in surrender as he stepped back. He didn't know what the letters were but he had caught a glimpse of his brother's name on the front of one and he could guess. Dean and Castiel had always written to each other when the other was deployed after all.

* * *

Castiel had woken to the sound of the door opening, and his heart had leapt at the thought that it was Dean returning, until that was, he remembered Dean would never be coming back again causing pain to sear through him that had nothing to do with all the whiskey he had consumed the previous night. In fact his hangover was a welcome relief to the pain of knowing he would never see Dean again. But then he had opened his eyes to see who was in their home only to spot his brother about to touch one of the letters Dean had written him. He wasn't allowed to do that. No one touched his letters. As he made very clear with his growled out words. When Gabriel had left to go to the kitchen Castiel pulled himself up and started to collect the letters together, putting them in the right piles and the right order and re-tying them before returning the two plies to the box.

When Gabriel came back with two cups of coffee he found all the letters had been put away and his brother was sitting up running a hand over his face, though whether it was to remove the sleep, deal with the hangover, or combat his tears Gabriel didn't know. So he said nothing and just held out the hot drink with a sad smile before seating down in the armchair he always preferred when he was visiting this home.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked after he had seen Castiel take a sip of his drink. They couldn't just sit here in silence after all.

"No." Castiel snapped back. What was there to talk about?

"It might help Castiel." Gabriel replied with a sigh. If only he could take this pain for his brother, he would. But he knew he couldn't.

"He's gone. How will talking about that help?" Castiel asked with a snide look. He had had enough of talking yesterday with all the people offering there condolences. None of them really understood what he was going through, just as his brother didn't, even if he knew Gabriel was just trying to help.

"Then tell me about the time you first realised you loved him." Gabriel suggested, hoping that something happy like that would be good for Castiel to talk about. Hoping he was doing the right thing letting his little brother live in his memories for a while.

Castiel sat back at that and a genuine smile appeared on his face as he remembered the time. Remembered when it was he knew without a doubt that Dean Winchester was the man he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

* * *

 _Two and a half years ago…_

 _Castiel stood in the airport moving from one foot to the other as he waited for the people to come off of the plane. Waiting for Dean to come off. When he saw the first passengers come through the gate he couldn't stop himself from moving forwards, but when the number of people became nothing more than a trickle and he didn't see Dean he wondered if maybe he had forgotten what he looked like. Maybe he had walked right past him and he hadn't seen him. He was starting to panic. To think he had missed the man his heart was screaming for. But before he could start a frantic search of the airport one more person came through the gate. Castiel recognised him straight away and his heart sored. He couldn't stop the wide smile that appeared on his face nor the steps he took towards the man he loved who had just arrived. In fact he didn't do anything but feel until he had his arms wrapped around Dean and he could feel he was real. It was then that what he thought hit him. He loved Dean._

 _"Whoa Cas. Give a guy some notice, yeah?" Dean said in surprise when his arms were suddenly filled with a dark haired doctor. Not that he was complaining. He had been preparing himself for Cas not being there the whole journey home. Thinking that maybe an emergency would come up and stop him from meeting him or something. It was why he had taken so long to leave the plane and grab his bag. But it seemed he had no reason to doubt. Cas was here with him._

 _"I love you Dean." Castiel said when he turned to look into those green eyes he had been dreaming of for so long. Though he did think maybe he shouldn't have said that when he saw how wide they went at his words. Maybe he should have waited a bit longer to tell Dean he loved him. But even if they had only ever spent a week together, from their letters he felt he knew him so well._

 _Dean was shocked to the core by that announcement. He hadn't been expecting it. But as the shock wore off and he stared into the bright blue eyes he found a peace settle over him and he couldn't stop himself from replying._

 _"I love you too, Cas." He whispered before closing the distance to the other man's mouth and sealing their words in with a kiss with was gentle yet deep. The sort of kiss that made your toes curl. It was a kiss of two long parted lovers being reunited. This sort of kiss that happened in airports all around the country on any day of the week, but it was also the most special kiss either of the men involved had ever shared._

* * *

"That's quite a story Cassie. Thank you for telling me." Gabriel said softly when his brother stopped speaking, bringing him back to the here and now. The time where he would no longer share kisses like that with Dean.

"Why are you here Gabriel?" Castiel asked with a sigh that he had to come back to the pain. He wished he could escape into his memories forever and never return to the real world.

"Because you're my brother, and I love you." Gabriel replied simply. There was nothing more to it in his mind. He was here for Castiel, he would always be there for Castiel.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello my darlings. I would like to thank** **Daniella Cs (Guest) for all the wonderful reviews. I am glad you like the story so much. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.**

 **So here is the next chapter, I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

Gabriel stayed with Castiel the whole day. Pottering around the house doing all the things that needed to be done. Like the washing and making sure Castiel ate. But he did not press his brother to talk again. He had gotten one story from him, he decided that was enough for today. Decided to leave him to his memories.

Castiel on the other hand did not really register his brother was still there apart from when food was placed in front of him and he was told to eat. He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. He could not give up living, Dean would not want it. So he forced the food down his throat and swallowed the water his brother pressed on him. But other than that he spent his time remembering. Memories of those days when Dean returned flew through his mind, at how they spent their time getting to know each other's bodies as well as they knew each other's minds. They were glorious, sunshine filled days, where he had someone to come home to after every shift. Someone waiting for him with a smile and a ready ear to listen to what he had done and seen throughout his shift. Someone who was there when he lost a patient and needed comfort, someone who was there when another survived against the odds. Nothing was ever said, but it was taken by both of them after their confessions of love that Dean would be staying with him rather than with Sam. It wasn't long before things started appearing in the house that belonged to Dean, his car was made at home in Castiel's garage, and Castiel's house became their house, their home without a word being spoken by either of them.

It was two months after Dean's return that words were exchanged. And they were the most precious words Castiel had ever, and would ever, hear.

* * *

 _Two years and four months ago…_

 _Dean had insisted on taking Castiel out that night. He did not know why, it was not a special occasion. Though he knew that Dean would be returning to wherever he had been posted soon. Maybe that was why. Maybe Dean wanted them to go on another date. They really hadn't done many since his return, skipping over that part of relationship through the deeper connection they had found by writing to one another, and through the time they had spent getting to know each other in person in the privacy of their own home. But tonight Dean wanted to go out, so go out they would. Whatever Dean wanted Castiel was very happy to comply with. He loved him, and he wanted to make sure his time with him was spent with the both being happy. Luckily it seemed they both found that happiness just being in each other's company._

 _Anyway, tonight they were going out. Castiel had dressed in a blue shirt which Dean claimed brought out the colour of his eyes and he was waiting for Dean who was surprisingly, taking more time than him to get ready._

* * *

 _Dean was up in there room sitting on the bed. He had had to wait until Cas had left before he could collect the velvet box he had hidden in his underwear draw. He was nervous, he had no idea what Cas would say in reply to the question he was about to ask him. But he did know he couldn't return to the marines without having asked it. He needed to know that Cas would be here, waiting for him to come back. That he truly had Cas' heart just as the other man had his, mind, body and soul. Taking a deep breath he opened the box once more to see the ring nestled inside. It was a simple silver band, nothing noteworthy about it. Nothing expect what he hoped it would represent. Running his finger across it once more he took another deep breath before he closed the box and placed it carefully in his pocket. With that he stood, looked in the mirror once more before turning to join the man he loved at the bottom of the stairs._

 _"Dean where are we going?" Castiel asked once they had both climbed into Dean's car._

 _"You'll see." Dean replied with a secretive smile. He had wanted tonight to be perfect, but he had learnt from their first date that a fancy restaurant wasn't them. So instead he had roped in some help from a few friends._

 _Castiel watched as the scenery passed by and he realised he knew exactly where they were headed. They were going to the Roadhouse, but why had Dean asked him to dress up to go there? They went there regularly to see their friends. And they were their friends now, not just Dean's. He had spent much time there before Dean's return as well as after, drinking with Bobby and talking to Jo and Ellen. They had become a sort of family, bonded over their wishes and hopes for Dean's save return. He had even seen Sam there and talked to him as well. Dean's brother had been happy that they had been writing, keeping in contact, and when Dean had returned Sam seemed even more pleased when Dean stayed with him._

 _"Why are we here Dean?" Castiel finally asked as they pulled up outside the bar. "Is there a party or something?" he continued when he noticed the closed for a private function sign on the door. Was it someone birthday and he didn't know? He hoped not. Because if it was he should have brought them a card at least, if not a present._

 _"Something like that." Dean responded trying to keep his breathing even as he climbed out of the car and grabbed Cas' hand as if his life depended upon it._

 _"Dean, what is going on?" Castiel asked when he felt his hand being squeezed. He was starting to get worried. What was going on?_

 _"You'll see. It's nothing to worry about Cas, I promise." Dean replied with a soft smile relaxing the muscles in his hand by force. He didn't want to scare Cas after all. This was supposed to be a joyous night, or well it would be as long as Cas said yes. Oh god, he hoped he said yes._

 _Pushing all doubts from his mind with military precision Dean walked towards the door with Cas at his side. Taking one more deep breath he opened it to reveal the bar, but not as Cas had ever seen it before._

 _The lights were off, but the room was still bright, being as it was lit by hundreds of candles on all the available surfaces. The tables had all been pushed back against the wall expect for one which stood in the centre of the room with a red table cloth draped across it, and a single red rose in a vase in the centre framed by two tall candles._

 _"Dean?" Castiel whispered not wanting to disturb the quiet of the room, nor the feel that it gave. If he had not known they were in the Roadhouse, he would not have believed it was the same place. It was… there were no words to describe the romantic scene in front of him. No words to describe the feelings coursing through him at the realisation that Dean had done this for him._

 _"Come on." Dean replied smiling now. There was no way he couldn't smile at the look of awe on the man he loved face. Yes, he had done this right. Thank god._

 _Once they got to the table Dean pulled out the chair for Cas so he would have his back to the bar before moving round and sitting opposite him, taking his hands in his own as he did so. It was then that faint music came over the speakers, and Castiel had to laugh. It was the classic rock Dean loved so much. And while some would think that that would be at odds to the romantic scene, to Castiel it was perfect. Because it was so much a part of the man in front of him._

 _"Cas, I asked you here for a reason tonight." Dean said as he turned to the side of his seat and picked up a chilled bottle of champagne that was open and ready for them, pouring them both a glass. Castiel had been so caught up in everything he hadn't even noticed it._

 _"And what is that reason Dean?" Castiel asked as he picked up his glass and took a sip. Though he had an idea. He had no clue if it was right or not, but he really hoped it was. He hoped he wasn't seeing things that weren't there between them. He hoped this meant what he thought it did. Oh god, please let it mean what he thought it did._

 _"I love you Cas. More than I have ever loved anyone, and more than I will ever love anyone. When I got your first letter the smile didn't leave my face for days. The knowledge that you still wanted that connection between us. If filled my heart with joy, and made all the horrors I was seeing just a little bit less. Because I knew I had you to come home to. I never want to lose that. I never want to not know I have you to come home to." Dean replied before taking one more deep breath as he stood and moved round the table so he was next to Castiel, before slowly bending down on one knee as he spoke the final words. "What I'm asking is, Castiel Novak, will you do me the honour of marrying me? Will you wait for me and be there for me when I come home always and forever?" He asked pulling the ring from his pocket, opening the box and holding it up for the man before him. The man he loved with all his being. The man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with._

 _"Yes Dean. I will." Castiel whispered not being able to get the words out any louder due to the lump he had in his throat at Dean's beautiful words. With that he held out his left hand, half chuckling half choking up at how it was shaking before Dean took it in his and slid the ring onto his finger. It was a perfect fit._

 _"I love you Dean Winchester, and I always will, as long as I live." Castiel said louder now the ring was in place and he was staring into those green eyes that meant so very much to him. They meant the world, they were his world, just as the man they belonged to was._

 _At that Dean did the only thing he could. He leaned forwards as Castiel bent down and their lips met in the perfect chaste, yet loving kiss. Sealing the agreement they had just made to each other._

 _Their lips only parted when clapping and cheering was heard from behind them. Castiel turned to see all their friends and family there with smiles on their faces, and glasses of champagne in their hands._

 _It was the perfect engagement and the perfect engagement party with all those that they loved to share their joy with. It was without a doubt one of the best nights of both men's lives._


End file.
